Thanksgiving is built around gratitude, big meals, and family traditions. However, the reality is often more layered. It can be a holiday that stirs grief, highlights strained relationships, triggers old family roles, and amplifies the pressure to appear “okay.” As a seasoned therapist, I see the same themes every year: expectations that everything must be “perfect,” old family dynamics resurfacing, the sting of missing loved ones, and the temptation to numb with alcohol or over-eating. That combination can leave even resilient people feeling depleted by the time the pumpkin pie is gone.

This is not a sign of failure. It is a human response to a complicated moment. Research and mental-health organizations confirm that holiday seasons commonly increase stress, financial worry, loneliness, and conflict — meaning what you feel is very common and understandable. American Psychological Association.

Below are compassionate, practical strategies you can try this Thanksgiving — written by an experienced clinician who’s sat with these exact struggles.

Common Challenges During Thanksgiving

1. Family Dynamics

Returning to family systems can sometimes mean stepping back into roles or patterns you’ve worked hard to change. Old communication styles, unspoken expectations, old roles and unresolved conflicts often reappear in the same room, same table, same holiday.

2. Grief and Loss

Holidays often highlight absence. An empty chair at the table can feel louder than any conversation. This includes recent losses, past losses, and anticipatory grief. Anniversaries and rituals often activate fresh waves of sorrow.

3. Stress and Over-Functioning

There may be pressure to host, cook, organize, mediate, or be “the strong one.” Caretaking roles—emotional or practical—can exhaust internal resources. Overstimulation and exhaustion from travel, cooking, and socializing drain the nervous system, making emotions feel more intense.

4. Comparison and Expectations

Social media, cultural messages, and family narratives often suggest what Thanksgiving “should” look like. This can evoke shame, disappointment, or self-criticism if reality looks different. We carry stories about how holidays should feel, and when they don’t match up we can feel like we’ve failed.

5. Substance Use and Coping Patterns

For some, alcohol is central to the holiday environment. This can complicate recovery efforts or emotional regulation.

Therapist-backed tips you can use (short, practical, effective)

1. Clarify Boundaries Ahead of Time

Decide before you go: what topics are off-limits, how long you’ll stay, what you will say if pressured, and how you will respond if tension arises. Rehearse one short line you can use if needed (e.g., “I’m not ready to talk about that.”). Boundaries reduce reactivity and protect your capacity. NAMI and APA both recommend planning and clear limits as effective holiday coping strategies. Decide what you are willing to engage in and what you are not.

Boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about protecting your emotional well-being.

2. Plan Your Exit (Literally or Emotionally)

Having a planned “out” reduces panic. If going with a friend or partner, consider having your own signal (a text, a code word) for taking a break or leaving. Take a walk outside, a bathroom break , or step in to another room or the kitchen to breathe and reset. Even stepping into your car for five minutes of deep breaths is helpful.

If visiting in person, decide how and when you can step away. If you’re hosting, designate a private space where you can decompress.

Quick scripts you can use (copy/paste for awkward moments)

If grief comes up and you need space: “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed; I’ll check in later.”

If someone pressures you to stay: “I appreciate the invite — I need to leave at X.”
If asked about a topic you don’t want to discuss: “I’m not able to talk about that right now.”

3. Use Grounding Skills in Real Time

Examples include:

• Slow, intentional breathing such as the box breathing method (breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4) for one minute can calm your nervous system
• Five senses grounding: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. This is a fast, clinician-recommended way to return to the present.
• Naming the feeling can help reduce the emotional charge. Say to yourself (silently or out loud): “I notice anger” or “There’s sadness here.” Labeling helps your brain shift from reactive limbic loops into prefrontal regulation.

These techniques help regulate your nervous system in high-emotion environments.

4. Allow Grief to Be Present

If loss is part of your reality this year, it is appropriate for grief to show up. You do not have to “hold it together.” If you’re missing someone, consider intentional rememberence. Honor the grief with a small ritual: light a candle, share a memory, set an empty place at the table, make a favorite dish of the person who is gone, or take a photo walk.

Rituals don’t fix loss but they give grief a respectful container.

5. Know when to get support

If the holiday triggers severe dissociation, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, or a relapse in substance use — reach out to a mental health professional or crisis line immediately. If you’re already in therapy, let your clinician know you’ll need extra support that week. Arrange check-ins with someone who understands—friend, partner, therapist, sponsor. Knowing you are not processing alone can dramatically reduce stress.

Many mental health organizations offer seasonal toolkits and tips on planning ahead, self-care, and when to seek help — useful quick reads if you want evidence-backed strategies.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Step Back

There is no moral obligation to suffer for tradition. It is valid to opt out of gatherings—or parts of them—if your mental health requires it.

Reframe small acts as meaningful. You don’t have to “save Thanksgiving.” Small acts of connection (a sincere text, a single sincere conversation) matter more than performing perfection.

Protect your basic needs first. Sleep, hydration, food that actually fuels you, and movement are the scaffolding for emotional resilience. Holidays often neglect these basics — pre-plan snacks, quiet time, and a bedtime.

7. Plan one manageable goal for the day

Pick one measure of success that’s within your control (e.g., “I will step outside for a 10-minute walk mid-afternoon” or “I’ll leave the gathering after 3 hours”). Doing less — intentionally — is a legitimate strategy, not a failure.

8. Limit substances and have an alternative

If alcohol has been used historically to “get through” family time, plan an alcohol-free drink or a coping phrase and a trusted person to check in with. Substance use commonly worsens anxiety and grief in the long run.

Self-care checklist for the week before and after

• Two 20-minute walks (or equivalent movement)
• Three nights of prioritized sleep (set an alarm to start winding down)
• One trusted check-in text/call booked in advance
• A grounding practice ready (breathing, 5-sense, or a short guided meditation)
• One small ritual to honor grief or transition

A Reframe to Carry Into the Holiday

Your emotional reactions during Thanksgiving do not mean you are regressing, failing, or “not healed.” They are often reflections of:

• Old relational patterns resurfacing
• Sensory overload
• Emotional memory tied to the season
• Your nervous system responding to familiar cues

Growth is not the absence of emotional activation. Growth is recognizing what is happening and responding with care rather than self-blame.

It’s okay to protect yourself. Holidays don’t have to be “fixed” — they can be navigated with honesty: small goals, predictable boundaries, and a plan for when things feel too much. Give yourself permission to do only what you can do, and remember that asking for help is a strength, not a failure.If this season feels heavy, your experience is valid.

Take what supports you, leave what does not, and allow yourself to be human in the midst of it.

Resources you can read right now

To support you on your journey of mental wellbeing, download this toolkit from DSBA for more tips on navigating stressful holiday interactions.

If you’d like professional support

If you would like support navigating this time, therapy can provide space to process, reflect, and care for yourself during emotionally complex seasons. If you’d like to talk through what this season is bringing up, we’re here to help.
Contact us at 859-493 TALK or reach out to schedule an appointment at https://www.innersolacecounseling.com/contact