The holidays have a way of arriving with glitter-dusted expectations. Everywhere you turn, there’s talk of joy, togetherness, and magical moments. But if you’re carrying old hurts, complicated memories, or family histories that feel more tangled than festive, the season can stir things you thought you tucked away long ago.
If that’s your experience, I want to say this clearly: nothing is wrong with you. You’re human, and your heart remembers what it has lived through.
Let’s talk about how to move through this season with more steadiness, compassion for yourself, and a sense of grounded calm.
When the Season Opens the Door to the Past
Many people notice that the holidays pull old emotions to the surface. Maybe it’s grief that twinges when you see a certain ornament. Maybe it’s family tension that wakes up as soon as travel plans begin. Maybe it’s the quiet ache of what you didn’t receive growing up, or the pressure to put on a cheerful face when your inner world feels tender.
These reactions don’t mean you’re “going backward” or failing at healing. They’re signs that your nervous system remembers, and that something inside you is asking for care.
You Don’t Have to Pretend Everything Is Fine
You’re allowed to tell yourself the truth: “This season is hard for me.” You’re allowed to notice the places that feel sore, instead of covering them up with forced cheer. In fact, acknowledging what hurts often brings more relief than ignoring it.
You can also set boundaries that protect your well-being.
You can step back from gatherings that leave you emotionally drained.
You can leave early, attend late, or skip entirely.
You can choose small, meaningful moments that nourish you instead of overwhelming you.
Your worth is not measured by how well you perform holiday spirit.
Gentle Ways to Find Calm When You Feel Stirred Up
Here are a few grounding practices that often help clients of mine reconnect with a sense of steadiness this time of year:
1. Name what’s happening inside.
A simple “I’m feeling tense right now” or “This memory is coming up again” helps your mind and body align instead of fight each other.
2. Come back to your senses.
Warm your hands around a mug. Step outside for a breath of cold air. Notice one thing you can see, touch, smell, hear, and taste. These small rituals bring you back into the present.
3. Choose connection that feels safe.
Maybe it’s one trusted friend, a partner, or even a pet curled at your feet. Let yourself lean into relationships that support you, not stress you.
4. Slow down the pace on purpose.
Let yourself rest. Give yourself permission to do less, to say no, to find little pockets of quiet.
5. Learn more about how holiday triggers work.
If you’re curious about why certain memories feel louder this time of year, the American Psychological Association has a helpful overview on managing holiday stress:
https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/holiday-season
6. Let grace be part of the season.
Offer it to yourself as generously as you offer it to others.
If Old Wounds Appear, It Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Healed
Healing is not a straight line; it’s more like a spiral path that circles back to familiar places with new wisdom each time. If you find yourself revisiting pain, remind yourself: “I am not where I used to be. I’m meeting this from a new place.”
You have grown. You have survived. You’re still becoming.
Creating Meaning That Belongs to You
You’re allowed to shape your own version of the holidays. That may look like:
• A quiet morning with soft lights instead of a crowded gathering
• A new tradition that feels soothing instead of stressful
• A small moment of gratitude without ignoring the heaviness that exists
• Choosing peace over pressure
• Choosing authenticity over expectations
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
If this season is stirring up things you’re not sure how to hold by yourself, therapy can offer a steady place to sort through it. Whether it’s grief, old wounds, anxiety, or the pressure of family dynamics, support is available.
At Inner Solace Counseling, we’re here to help you move through the holidays with care, clarity, and compassion. If you’d like to reach out, schedule a session, or learn more, you can visit us at:
www.innersolacecounseling.com/contact
You deserve a season that honors your heart, your history, and your healing. And with a little care, this year can be gentler than the last.
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